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I put on pants for the first time in four months
yesterday. That’s not the sort of revelation that usually thrills my
mother, but it’s the truth. I made it back to the states and finally
I can wear something besides my flightsuit. We did a lot on this
deployment and I’m glad it’s over. The Army and Marines do this
for up to 15months at a time and I don’t know how or why they put up with
it. I’m glad they do though. My last airdrop mission before we
came home, pushed us over one million pounds of equipment that my squadron
has dropped. About a month ago we did a drop just a few miles away
from downtown Baghdad but other than that, it was all in Afghanistan.
Some of these drop zones are in pretty hairy locations and I’m glad to
leave all this nonsense to the next squadron.
Unless something major changes, this was my last long deployment for the
USAF. I figured out a few months ago that since 1995, I’ve spent a
little over 1,300 nights of my life over here in the middle east.
Prior to 1995 I didn’t count the days but it’s also a significant
amount. Maybe it’s petty of me and maybe I’m wrong, but I believe
I’ve done my duty for God and Country, Mom and Chevrolet. With that
in mind, In November, I’m moving to Altus AFB in Oklahoma. That is
the location of the C-17 school and I’ll spend the rest of my career
teaching new loadmasters how to do this job. I’m pretty good at this
and I think I’ve got a lot to pass along to the next generation.
Truth be told though, I’m tired of the operational life and quite honestly
I need a break. Unless I stay past twenty years, I’ll retire at
Altus. Hopefully from there I’ll go somewhere and work on old
airplanes the rest of my life! I don’t doubt I’ll miss the
excitement of the real Air Force and I’ll be mad when I don’t get to be
the first plane to land in Iran someday. But, maybe that won’t be as
exciting as students trying to kill me everyday!
I had two other job offers that I was supposedly first in line for, both in
California. One was a flight test loadmaster at Edwards AFB and the
other one was the acceptance loadmaster at Boeing in Long Beach. I
didn’t take either of them because that is just two far from my daughter
in North Carolina and because I would have had to report there by May.
I really didn’t want to leave my other loadmasters out here to pick up my
slack if I left early. Another job option, and the one I probably
would have been forced to take if I didn’t volunteer for something else,
was being a sensor operator on a UAV! At Altus I’ll nearly always
fly in the pattern and wind up where I left from, but the UNMANNED in
Unmanned Aerial Vehicle means I won’t fly at all! I might as well
get out of the Air Force if that’s the case!
It’s a little strange being back home, but I’m glad to be here.
It’s nice not having to walk 266 steps to the bathroom. It’s also
nice to be able to cook my own food and not having some Filipino guy argue
with me over how many eggs I want for breakfast! It will also be nice
going to get my hair cut without thinking some dude from Sri Lanka trying to
molest me by doing the “manssage” when he’s done with the scissors.
People always ask about interesting stuff I experienced when deployments are
over. Maybe it’s just because the wars have been going on so long and
maybe I’m just not as easily impressed anymore. We carried lots of
interesting equipment and interesting people and I learned a lot of things
about people. When all things are said and done, I learned, once
again, that my Mama was right.
I hate to clean my house. I much prefer to have a clean house
but I hate to have to do the cleaning. When I was a kid, my Mama
always made us clean the house before we went on vacation. Her
reasoning was that it would be clean when we got back home. I’m 35
now and still don’t understand that. When you get home and it
isn’t clean, does that mean you aren’t happy to get there? When
the Pharaohs died, I wonder if the people that sealed them in their tombs
were supposed to have cleaned the place before closing them up for all
eternity? I’ve been to Egypt and seen several of the tombs. I
think their Mamas would be ashamed of them.
The part of cleaning that bothered me the most was making up the bed.
I honestly believe that forcing a kid to make up a bed is cruel and unusual
punishment. She didn’t even wait for vacations; we were forced to do
it every day! Even on Saturdays! I hated to do it then and I hate to
do it now! I really can’t think of a bigger waste of time.
It’s right up there with going to the bathroom. You may wonder what
those two events have in common. Simple, you are forced to do both of
them and they are a total waste of time. Nothing constructive is
accomplished by either of them. Sure you can read in the bathroom but
what’s the point? It always makes my legs fall asleep.
Before I left home back in December, I cleaned my house just like I’d been
taught. In the event that I got shot down or something like that, my
Mama would be comforted by the fact that I had a clean house before I left
home. I’d also be wearing clean underwear, which was another concern
of hers when I was a child. Well, at least they will have been clean when I
put them on! I can’t vouch for their condition after I figured out I’m
gonna crash! I came in the door of my house at 0400 and it was clean!
The bed was made and everything. I don’t know if I would have slept
in the yard if it wasn’t, but once again my mama was right. It’s
sure nice coming home to a clean house! Does that sound gay?
Maybe I spent too much time around the “manssage guy”!
Hope to see most of yall in June at the Olympia airshow.
Faithfully Submitted
5May08/1317Z
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